Talking to Difficult Students
It all begins with an idea. What’s the most important belief I can offer to difficult students?
Hope.
Choose to believe the best in them, regardless of how things look now.
Veteran teachers have all seen some of the unlikeliest kids become successful over time. Offer them Hope and they will walk through fire for you, and never forget how you made them feel.
Wish them well. Sincerely.
Do what’s best for them. Not easiest. “I will do everything in my power to take care of you and help you grow and succeed, even if it makes you mad.”
Convince yourself, and you will convince them. Then your words and all the rest will matter.
Set, Teach, Model, and Keep Boundaries and Consequences like a referee. Tell them, teach them, and show them Why.
Call penalties by the book, every time, as fairly as possible.
Let the rules and consequences correct wrong behaviors.
Simply and flatly state the rule, infraction, and penalty — no emotion, discussion, lectures, or arguing.
Walk away to de-escalate. Like a referee. This will be a Colossal stress reliever for you. Let the structure of the rules bear the weight.
Later, and only when absolutely necessary, do the following:
Speak Less, and say more.
No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. - T. Roosevelt
They’ve heard all the lectures 1000 times. Be super-concise and completely real. Then…
Walk away and give them space to think about it without pressure.
Use a Calm Assertive Tone. Be the mountain - unshakably solid and true.
Be eyeball-to-eyeball honest. Don’t blink. They can spot fake a mile away.
Challenge them to help themselves. We all must participate in our own rescue.
No Strings. Expect nothing in return. Not even a response. Let them think for themselves as you walk away and give them space and time.
Give less attention. Don’t tell them how they should feel. They need to figure that out and feel it for themselves, through the consequences of their actions. And they will know - Don’t fall for that.
What to say: (Caveat - You must sincerely mean it when you say the following, or it would be better to say nothing at all. They will see through fake instantly.)
(Examples:)
“You’re better than that.”
When: At the end of time-out.
Why: It’s an encouraging challenge that says, “I believe in you.”
“You can do better.”
When: After an ounce of improvement.
Why: They are used to super-praise for very little effort. This says, “You and I both know you can do a lot more.” It’s different, authentic, true, and powerful.
“You can do this.”
When: When given a new, important task.
Why: As they improve, they must have a chance to grow in responsibility. This gives them that extra boost to succeed.
“Much better! Your hard work is really paying off.”
When: They show success with real change.
Why: It was earned and honest. No false praise.
“I believe in you.”
When: When they feel really defeated and have been trying to figure it out for a good while.
Why: Change comes from within, usually after lots of pain, and a hard decision. Teachers often rescue too early and defeat the process. But, a simple I believe in you in passing, at the right time, can make a world of difference. Or maybe a note works better, depending on the kid. Something to hang onto.
I wish you well my friend!
Steven
Subscribe for new 1-Minute Engagement Tips and Articles delivered to your inbox.
Get our #1 Training Free with a Newsletter Sign-Up!
FROM APATHY TO AMBITION !
The Top 3 Brain Secrets to MOTIVATE LAZY LEARNERS.
